When it came to his family, Colin considered himself right in the middle of things. The siblings tended to separate into the olds (Anthony, Benedict, Colin and Daphne most of the time) and the youngs (Eloise, Francesca, Gregory and Hyacinth).
Colin was a floater in any of the olds vs youngs arguments that plagued his family, usually aligning whomever he either agreed with or would cause the most drama for entertainment. As the third sibling and third brother in a row, he meshed well with Anthony and Benedict. But as the youngest of the oldest three, he was also more accessible to his younger siblings than Anthony or Benedict were to them. Plus, given his refusal to settle down, unlike his older siblings who were both happily married, and his frequent travel, Colin seemed younger. To the younger siblings, Colin even seemed younger than Daphne, who had her early marriage to Simon, one of Anthony’s closest friends, as an anchor to the olds.
Yes, Colin could confidently say that he was the Switzerland of siblings and he often congratulated himself for his ability to hang with either set.
****
Daphne
Although Daphne tended to spend time with the olds, a portion of her social life tended to skew pretty young. Which is why tonight, she was serving as a hostess and emcee for an event/fundraiser that the Bridgerton Foundation was co-hosting with a local charity. The attendees included several Instagram and Tik Tok-famous influencers and celebs as well as a slew of local socialites and their entourages.
The event was happening at the outdoor bar at the Mandrake Hotel. The bar was the perfect setting for the night. The natural colors of the wooden fixtures and the green of the vines and ferns climbing up the walls were accentuated by tasteful lighting, courtesy of Daphne’s creative mind.
This was normally the kind of event where Colin thrived. He spent years at these kind of parties, charming and flirting his way through the crowd. He ended up in many conversations with various groups of people, always up for a drink, a laugh and a good time. He was always a delightful presence with his Bridgerton good looks, his good humor and his charm.
Tonight was one of those nights when perhaps Colin should have stayed home.
Nothing seemed to feel right to him. His shirt collar was itchy and the collar tag kept jabbing his neck, no matter how he moved it. He noticed that everyone there appeared to be under the age of 30, and all the men seemed to be wearing a double breasted jacket for some reason. The music was too jarring and unfamiliar, always a little too loud when he was speaking with someone. The drinks were too sweet and could someone please just turn on a fan! The worst part of the night was that it seemed like no one else felt the same way.
Colin flicked at his shirt tag again impatiently as he noticed a vision in white walk through the door. He turned to see Penelope, with flowing hair, a bright smile aimed at the crowd and a show-stopping dress.
It was a beautiful white slip dress with a lace border at the neckline and at the bottom hem. The entire dress was embossed with large white flowers and the lace served as kind of peekaboo, offering Colin a tantilizing peek at her bare skin. Just like every other time he saw her over the last six months, his jaw dropped and he stared at her openly. And stared. Until she was right in front of him, calling his name.
“…Colin!” She sounded impatient, like she had been repeating for awhile.
“Sorry! Hi, wow, look at you.” He pulled her close and hugged her, breathing in her soft, floral scent and wrapping his arms around her back. “You look amazing, Pen. As always.” He felt her take a stuttered breath and exhale against his neck. Oh, he loved her.
“Penelope, I got your drink,” Colin heard a jarring voice intrude.
He stiffened and pulled back while not letting go of Penelope entirely. Alfred Debling stood in front of him, smiling pleasantly in a tweed double-breasted jacket, his hair swept back elegantly and holding two coupes with some foamy co*cktail. Colin never hated anyone more.
“Thank you, darling,” Penelope said as she stepped out of Colin’s arms and smiled at Debling. She took one of the glasses from him and they toasted each other with a blushing smile from her and a “salud” from him. Colin wanted to throw something.
“Penelope! Look at you! I’m in love. Is that Gabriela Hearst?” Daphne gracefully slid up to their threesome and wrapped her arms around Penelope for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She turned and looked at Debling. “Alfred! So handsome! I love seeing all the lads in these jackets. You all look so posh!” Daphne leaned in for a hug and kiss for Debling too.
Colin shot Daphne a look of betrayal when she pulled away which she at least acknowledged by looking briefly chagrined.
Daphne smiled at Penelope and Debling. “Why don’t you two go mingle? Dance a little. Penelope, I made sure there is so much Olivia Rodrigo on the playlist for you.”
Colin didn’t hear much of the conversation after that because he saw Debling put his hand low on Penelope’s back, and Colin heard a terrible ringing sound as his vision blurred. When his vision cleared up, Penelope and Debling were gone and Daphne was standing in front of him with her arms crossed and an unimpressed look on her face.
Colin took a large swig of his drink. Ugh, disgusting. His anger rose as he resisted the urge to spit out the cloying drink. “Do not, Daph,” he bit out at her.
Daphne raised an eyebrow at him but dropped her arms with a soft sigh he still heard. “I still think you should say something.”
“She made it pretty clear she wasn’t interested.”
“Well, from what I heard from Eloise, it sounds like she didn’t know you’re an option -”
Colin laughed bitterly. “Could you just not gossip about my private life with everyone in our family?”
“Okay, well if you’re going to be such an asshole, could you just do it somewhere other than my event?”
“…Are you kicking me out?”
“No! But I think you should go inside to the lobby and find Simon. He’s watching the Chelsea game. It may be more your scene right now.” Daphne clucked at him sympathetically.
Colin felt hot shame bubbling in his gut. He was being an asshole. He looked around at the assembled guests, everyone smiling and chattering. In that moment, he felt everything that they were not - unfashionable, tired, hot and lonely.
He sighed. “I’ll go find Simon.” He agreed despondently.
Daphne gave him a small smile and a kiss on the cheek before pointing him in the direction of the lobby. If he tried to make it inside without catching a glimpse of white, he failed.
****
Eloise
Colin ducked as a man carrying several large board signs walked past. He just managed to avoid hitting his head on the bottom of the signs as he looked around Parliament Square for a familiar face. He glanced down at his phone again, which still had no service, and huffed frustratingly. How was he going to find anyone now?
“Colin!!” He heard someone screeching nearby.
He looked up and spotted Eloise waving frantically at him. She was wearing a massive Viking helmet (something about reclaiming the Viking, he honestly was not paying attention when she talked about it).
Next to her, Penelope smiled at him across the crowd. He felt his heart stutter. She was wearing a light blue jumper, jeans and a black baseball cap with “Save the Bees” embroidered in yellow thread on the front.
Colin felt everything around him slow as he focused on Penelope’s bright smile. Everyone seemed to be moving slower and everything seemed hazier as his view focused on Penelope. He felt his smile match hers and walked towards her, like a moth to a flame. And he walked right into the middle of a long “Climate Emergency” banner.
He fell back, landing on his ass on the ground as someone shouted at him for almost tearing the banner. He managed to get himself up and found Penelope and Eloise looking at him across the crowd, shocked expressions on their faces. Then Eloise burst out laughing. Great, thought Colin, as he shoved his way around the banner, mood souring. Just f*cking fantastic.
“Are you okay?” Penelope shouted over the crowd when he was close.
“That was f*cking hysterical. You should have seen the look on your face. Oh, look at this, I’m crying so hard from laughing,” Eloise cackled as he reached their side.
Colin resisted the urge to shove Eloise’s Viking hat down further on her head. Instead, he turned to look at Penelope.
“Hi,” he smiled at her bashfully.
Penelope reddened. “Hi…”
“Ugh, could you not?” Eloise pushed into Colin as the crowd moved them all closer together.
Colin was not going to let Eloise ruin his mood on this beautiful day. Last night, he had taken Penelope on what he was sure was the last first date of his life. They talked nonstop through a long dinner, sharing old and new stories. On the walk home, they both reached for the other’s hand simultaneously. Colin thought he would never forget the soft smile on Penelope’s face when they interlocked their fingers. When he reached her shared apartment with Eloise, he finally kissed her, dipping her slightly like he was in some goddamn Hallmark movie. It was magical.
When they broke apart from what was the best kiss of his life, he leaned his forehead against hers and nuzzled her nose, just wanting to breathe the same air as her. Penelope hiccuped and he smiled at her, moving closer for another kiss. I love her so much.
“When can I see you again? What are you doing tomorrow?” He whispered against her lips.
“I’m going to the climate change rally tomorrow with Eloise. It’s at Parliament Square…”
“When is it? I’ll come.”
“…Are you sure?”
He pulled back slightly so he could look at her eyes. He licked his lips and swallowed lightly. “Do you not want me to?”
“No! I do. I want to be with you all the time if that’s an option.” She broke off as Colin kissed her deeply. How could he not kiss her after that?
As their kisses slowed down, she pressed one more peck to his lips and pulled away slightly. “It’s just not really…your scene.”
Colin followed her lips for another kiss. “What? No. Everything is my scene.”
“It’s going to be so crowded and loud. And it’ll be full of Eloises. We asked Ben if he wanted to come but he said - ”
“Well, Ben is ancient. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” He kissed her on the nose and smiled at her.
Now as he was being jostled around the crowd, the horn on Eloise’s Viking helmet stabbing him again in the face, Colin wondered if that was true or if he was just love-drunk on Penelope’s kisses.
He shook his head to clear it. He was not going to waste this opportunity with Penelope. He turned to her, determined to make the most of this time with her.
“Did you have a good morn -”
“WHAT DO WE WANT?” Someone shouted from what sounded like directly next to Colin.
“CLIMATE JUSTICE!” Eloise and the rest of the crowd shouted back.
“WHEN DO WE WANT IT?”
“NOW!” This time, Eloise screeched so hard she fell right into Colin who now got a Viking horn to the neck.
The rest of the morning continued quite the same.
“Did you see that article on - “ he started.
“EXXON-MOBIL, BP, SHELL! TAKE YOUR FILTH AND GO TO HELL!”
“You know that sign reminds me of this guy I met in Athens -” he chuckled.
“FOSSIL FUEL OR FOSSIL FREE! THINK ABOUT YOUR LEGACY!”
“Oh god, you cannot let me forget to tell you about -” he said, touching her shoulder lightly.
“HEY HEY! HO HO! OIL AND GAS HAVE GOT TO GO!”
“”Hey, Pen, do you maybe want to go somewhe -” he asked shyly.
Colin cut off as a particularly excited teenager struck him in the head with an “Electric Cars Don’t Leave Scars” sign.
He stopped moving and just let the crowd pass around him. This was an awful second date. He couldn’t get a whole sentence out. It was so crowded. Eloise was there. What was he thinking?
Penelope whispered something to Eloise who nodded at her and kept marching. Penelope maneuvered herself to stand in front of Colin.
She looked up at him. “Colin, are you okay?” She asked in a gentle tone.
Colin sighed. He looked into Penelope’s worried blue eyes. “Honestly, no. But it’s my fault. You were right. This is not my scene. It’s too crowded. It’s too loud. There are too many Viking helmets and honestly, a lot more Eloise than I imagined on our second date.”
Penelope smiled at him. “Oh, you thought this was…”
Colin’s stomach dropped. He closed his eyes in humiliation. “Did I get that wrong too? Do you not want a second date?”
Penelope responded by raising her arms and hooking them around Colin’s neck. She pushed herself on her tip-toes to kiss him hard. Colin’s arms shot up to wrap around her waist as he pulled her up against him, deepening the kiss.
“Get a f*cking room!” Someone yelled at them and they broke off, laughing.
Penelope’s eyes danced with laughter and she never looked more beautiful to Colin. “Please, Pen. Let’s get out of here. I promise that I will start composting. I will compost every f*cking day. I just cannot be here one more minute.”
Penelope laughed and pulled Colin through the crowd.
****
Eloise and Francesca
Colin had made a bad decision. Ironically, he only had the opportunity to make that bad decision because of the best decision he had ever made in his entire life (confessing his feelings to Penelope then asking her out and kissing her).
Earlier in the day, Colin was at Eloise and Penelope’s apartment, where he lived 85% of the time, when Francesca came over, wanting to go to some party later that night. Penelope and Eloise quickly agreed, and Colin watched amused as his younger siblings and Penelope dashed around the small apartment, throwing clothes at each other, pouring drinks and making plans.
Although Colin always thought he was close with all his siblings, it took dating Penelope to realize that he didn’t often spend real time with the younger ones. When he was in town between trips, he ended up at Bridgerton House with Violet or with one of his married siblings because they all had guest rooms for him to use. Before dating Penelope, he never stayed at Eloise’s shared apartment or Francesca’s studio. Gregory and Hyacinth lived either in dorms or group homes with uni friends so they weren’t options either. As a result, Colin would spend time with his younger siblings when he was in town, but he rarely did it in their own space while they lived their own lives.
When he and Penelope started dating, Colin was insistent that he was going to ‘do this right.’ He wouldn’t just rush to sleep with her, even if desperately wanted. He was going to take her out on dates and make out in cars while dropping her home. He managed to last until their second date. After he and Penelope left the protest, they went back to Penelope’s blessedly empty apartment where they talked for hours. Conversations over wine turned to gentle caresses which turned to Colin sliding his warm hands up Penelope’s blue jumper which turned to Penelope pulling Colin into her bedroom.
From that point on, Colin essentially lived with Penelope to Eloise’s constant frustration. At first, to placate Eloise, Colin stayed at Bridgerton House as often as he could but when Penelope expressed her reluctance to stay with him - first, because she was concerned about Violet’s reaction to her staying in Colin’s room and second, because she wouldn’t let Colin touch her in case Violet heard something - Colin decided to just ignore Eloise’s whining.
As a result, Colin was finally able to see his younger siblings live their day-to-day lives. He was invited (sometimes begrudgingly) to join them at bars, house parties and concerts. He met their adult friends. He watched tv with them and cooked meals with them. He even had to stomach his disgust when Eloise brought home a one night stand (and encounter said one night stand in the kitchen in the middle of the night when they both needed snacks). It was all so different than what he had previously experienced. For the most part, it was wonderful.
Except tonight, he made a bad decision. Which is why he was sitting in a doctor’s office at an urgent care clinic, waiting to be treated for accidental MDMA ingestion.
Several hours earlier
“What’s a silent rave?” Colin asked.
Eloise paused in her search through a storage bin of clothes. “You’ve never heard of a silent rave? God, how old are you?”
Colin bristled. “I’m not old. I’ve just never been to a silent rave.”
“It’s the same as a regular rave except instead of blasting loud music through the speakers, everyone connects to the bluetooth and listens on their headphones,” Francesca responded while pointing to the purple over-the-ear headphones around her neck. She was wearing some type of purple matching set and had glitter all over her face and body. Colin thought she looked like a fairy fell into the crafts bin at a preschool.
Meanwhile, Eloise cried out in relief as she pulled out a bright blue wig from the fabric storage bin. She topped it on her head and made a “ta da” motion as she showed off her outfit. She had also placed a series of temporary tattoos all down her torso to match the actual tattoo sleeves on her arm. Colin thought the entire look was…a lot.
On his part, Colin was definitely underdressed. He was instructed to dress in bright colors. So he was wearing a loose, light blue tank top and a pair of grey jeans. After seeing his sisters’ outfits and considering that Penelope may be similarly done up, he grabbed a jumper that could almost be considered lime green in some lights and tied the sleeves loosely around his shoulders. The effect was far more muted than what Eloise or Francesca had on but it would have to do.
Eloise grabbed some shot glasses out of the bookcase and popped off the top of the lukewarm tequila the girls left on the kitchen counter. Colin grimaced in anticipation. He had managed to replace their Jose Cuervo with Fortaleza, a tequila he encountered on a trip to Mexico and was made using traditional machinery. At first, Eloise had mocked him for being a “pretentious git” and he mocked her for having “no tastebuds.” But Eloise was not one to turn down free alcohol even though they still insisted on drinking their much-nicer tequila with lime slices and sprinkles of salt on their wrists. And it wasn’t even flaky salt, Colin thought.
Eloise poured out three glasses and then with a disdainful look at Colin, filled a glass tumbler with tequila and ice for him. “Pen! Shots are up!” She called out before walking into the kitchen.
Francesca woo hoo-ed and came up next to Colin to get her shot glass. Colin raised his glass to toast her, which Francesca missed, throwing her shot back. Eloise came back from the kitchen and promptly filled up Francesca’s shot glass while quickly taking down her own and pouring herself another one. Colin grabbed his sipping glass and scurried back to the couch, feeling intimidated by what he just witnessed.
Just as he took a seat, a blur of pink and blonde hair came out of Penelope’s room. When she stopped at the table and he could see what she was wearing, Colin’s jaw dropped. Penelope was in a hot pink crop top with a deep vee and matching high-waisted bottoms covered by some type of pink netting skirt with a slit up the side. The effect of the look was that it seemed like she was just in her underwear with a sheer skirt covering her bottom half. Her hair was half up and half down with a pouf in the back, and her face was lined with rainbow crystals in the shape of butterfly wings. Colin just about melted off the couch.
“Looking so hot, Pen!” Eloise crowed at her as they clinked their mismatched shot glasses. “If my idiot brother wasn’t going to hover the entire night, you would have so many guys drooling tonight.”
Colin frowned.
When they got to the venue later, Colin had to admit that he was maybe out of his depth. He put on his headphones and immediately cringed at a painfully loud song with a bass that beat his heart right out of his chest. He looked around to see if anyone was similarly affected but no, everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves and had started dancing.
Colin tried so hard to have fun. From the outside, it looked like he was. He danced along to the music. He stroked his hands down Penelope’s sides as she danced against him. He cheered with the rest of the group when John and his cousin, Michaela, showed up. He knocked back a shot with everyone after a rowdy group cheers.
But on the inside, Colin couldn’t take it anymore. The music was so loud and aggressive. He considered himself a good dancer but could never catch a beat to follow. He liked John and Michaela but his stomach dropped when he saw them. Their combined presence usually meant Eloise, Francesca and even Penelope became more intense. He felt acid come back up his throat after having the shot of rail liquor with the group.
The only upside was having Penelope move her body against him. He held on to her like she was his anchor. The feel of her was intoxicating as he stroked his hands down her sides to her hips and back up to over her shoulders, pausing to knead and rub wherever he could. The headiness of having Penelope so close pushed away at all the other uncomfortable feelings from the night. But even that was ruined when Francesca and Eloise pulled Penelope away from him as a new, unrecognizable song started playing.
Pausing in the middle of the dance, Colin let the disappointment and frustration at the night wash over him. His ears were starting to throb from the pressure and volume of the music and he struggled to catch a breath as the crowd moved around him.
As he started to feel overwhelmed by everything around him, Colin pushed through the crowd for an open space at the bar. Wrenching his headphones off, he motioned to the bartender and ordered an ice water. Just as he took a big gulp, Michaela came over, took off her headphones and ordered two vodka red bulls. Colin grimaced at the idea of another drink.
When the drinks arrived, Michaela moved one over towards Colin. “Want to take one over to your girl?” She yelled, voice clearly not recovered to a normal pitch after taking off the headphones.
Colin flinched in response. “No, you go ahead. I need to take a break anyway.”
“Huh?” Michaela cupped her ear, apparently still struggling to hear.
Colin leaned in and spoke a little louder. “I’m good. Not in the mood to keep dancing.”
“Oh, yeah, nothing worse than being somewhere like here without being in the mood. You want something for it?”
“Yeah, maybe I’ll get a drink or something to clear up the fog.” Colin tapped his forehead.
“I got you,” said Michaela as she pulled something out of her pocket and slid over a small round pill over to him.
Ah, ibuprofen, thank god for modern medicine, Colin thought as he nodded appreciatively at Michaela. He swallowed the pill with a big gulp of water and waited to feel sweet relief for his pounding head.
Out on the dance floor, Penelope went back and forth between dancing with her friends and keeping an eye out for Colin. She knew that man and she could tell that while it looked like he was having fun, laughing and dancing with the group, he was absolutely miserable. She kept waiting for a moment to pull him close and claim she was tired so Colin could pretend to think about it and then suggest they leave.
It felt a bit ridiculous to her that he had to put on this act but she knew that Colin had a chip on his shoulder about keeping up with Eloise and Francesca. She saw it in fleeting expressions whenever they did something she knew in her heart that Colin would hate doing. If he didn’t clutch at Penelope so desperately during these times, she would have felt insecure that his reluctance to join was because of her.
Michaela danced up to her from the bar where she had been with Colin. They both pulled off their headphones.
“Your man should be out here pretty soon.” Michaela smiled at her.
“Oh yeah, did you give him a pep talk?”
“Next best thing.” Michaela grinned and held up her a plastic baggie of pills.
“What?!” Penelope shrieked.
An hour later
“You know it would figure that Colin’s first experience with molly requires the supervision of a medical professional,” Eloise said as she spun on the stool in the waiting room of the clinic.
“Why are we here again instead of letting him sober up at home?” Michaela complained, covering her eyes against the fluorescent light and lying down flat over several folding chairs.
“Because Penelope panicked?” Eloise offered.
“Because Colin panicked?” John added
“Because you drugged Colin?” Francesca said with a sly look at Michaela.
“In my defense, who thinks they’re getting ibuprofen when they’re offered a pill at a rave?”
Meanwhile, in the examination room, the doctor had just finished up and left after warning Colin about the effects of an ecstasy hangover.
Colin, sitting on the examining table, let the embarrassment and frustration of the evening wash over him as he raked his fingers through his hair.
Penelope came to stand in front of him and massaged his neck and shoulders with her hands. He felt the tenseness ease as he leaned into Penelope’s comforting and warm touch.
“Are you okay?” She asked, leaning her forehead against his.
He could see the rainbow crystals all over her face, surprisingly still on after a night of heavy dancing. “I feel like I ruined your night…,” he admitted in a quiet voice.
Penelope pulled back slightly and looked into his nervous eyes. She smiled. “I will admit that I was a bit preoccupied with you to enjoy every minute of my night but, Colin, that’s not because you accidentally took some molly.”
Colin furrowed his brow.
Penelope continued. “You didn’t want to go tonight and I think that was obvious,” she started. Colin opened his mouth to respond and Penelope placed a finger against it. “I know you were dancing and present but I know you and I know that this just isn’t your scene,” she continued, “and that’s okay. We don’t have to do everything together.”
Colin sighed and rubbed Penelope’s shoulders. “It’s not so simple. I just want to spend all my time with you and do everything you’re doing. But yes, I also hate EDM…and to be honest, I would like to avoid Eloise’s on-the-prowl nights.”
Penelope laughed. “I think she would also prefer if you weren’t there.”
“So what now?”
“Well…I think we just continue as we’ve been doing except we’re allowed to have individual time. I mean, I already do that. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you inviting me fencing with your brothers or bar-hopping with Fife and Cho. But you can also sit out something that I’m doing if it doesn’t really interest you.”
“That sounds so…mature.”
Penelope smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Welcome to your first adult relationship.”
****
Gregory
Penelope tip-toed into the dark room and waited by the entrance to she if she heard something.
“Pe…nel…o….pe,” a voice croaked from the bed.
“Oh Colin,” she rushed over and sat down carefully next to the prone figure on the bed. “How do you feel?” She smoothed away the hair on his forehead gently.
Colin frowned. “Too much…”
Penelope pulled her hand back. “Can I get you anything, my love?”
“Pen…I think I’m dying…”
The day before
Gregory had come to dinner. He was in London for two weeks, visiting from Australia where he had been for a year in a volunteer teaching position. He planned a visit to each sibling and to spend as much time with his family as possible. At first, Colin was excited to have Gregory come to dinner. He and Penelope had just moved into a beautiful row house in a historic neighborhood. They were setting up their future home and Colin wanted to show it and Penelope off to his little brother.
As the night wore on, however, Colin found himself surreptitiously googling flights to Australia to see what was the earliest he could send Gregory back. I wonder if he would notice if the Lyft took him to Heathrow instead of to mum’s…, he thought.
Penelope and Gregory had always got on well and had spent a lot of time together over the years while Colin was off on his travels. Colin could remember plenty of times that Penelope and Gregory made an appearance in social media posts by the younger siblings and even times when they made an appearance on each other’s posts. Colin remembered one time in particular when he was having a solo dinner at a dark restaurant in Dubrovnik. He was feeling somewhat homesick so he spent his meal checking his siblings’ Instagrams. It seemed like the younger siblings and Penelope were on a trip together because he found multiple posts and reposts of the same video of Gregory and Penelope clinking their lime-topped beer bottles together on some beach. Even recently, Colin saw Gregory’s name frequently light up Penelope’s phone whether he was sending a text or sharing an Instagram post or TikTok with her.
Colin knew that Gregory and Penelope didn’t have a romantic history or that they never had hopes of one. Colin knew what Penelope looked like when she had a crush - he saw it in her eyes over the years every time they spoke or laughed together. Even before he and Penelope were a thing, he could feel her eyes on him when he walked into a room, always looking away when he made eye contact. Penelope didn’t act that way with Gregory although the insecure part of him wondered if it was because Gregory was so much younger than Penelope and never an option.
Tonight did not make the insecure part of him feel much better because when Colin opened the door, the Gregory he saw standing outside looked nothing like the Gregory he remembered. He was tan and his disheveled brown hair was lightened by the sun. And he was so buff! When did he get that…muscly? Colin knew Penelope noticed because he saw her eyes widen when she saw him.
Gregory flashed a huge smile and enveloped Penelope in a bear hug, picking her up off the ground. That’s new, thought Colin, as he wondered when would be an appropriate time to poke him until he let go of her. Colin felt a little bit better when Gregory abruptly opened his arms and let Penelope fall to her feet and when she playfully swatted him in the side in return.
Over dinner, they acted similarly. They would say or do something that made Colin’s insides churn with the beginnings of jealousy and then they would start acting like siblings again. Colin did his best to keep up with their banter but they quickly began talking about stories he knew nothing about.
“Oh my god, did I tell you..?” Gregory choked back a laugh as he scooped himself another helping of rice. He covered his mouth with his hands and started laughing.
“What?” Penelope stopped cutting into her chicken.
“I ran into Tasha at my Woolworths in Melbourne.” ”
“Oh my god, please tell me you did not -”
“Oh my god, no. I am not going there again. But what are the odds, right?”
“Do you think she’s stalking you?
“f*ck, I hope not. Can you imagine if I had another Mari situation? As long as it’s nothing like when Peter saw you at Lola’s.”
“Oh my god!”
“Who’s Lola?” Colin asked in a deliberately mild tone.
Gregory and Penelope burst into giggles. Colin took several calming breaths.
The night continued like this as Colin slowly kept draining and then filling up his wine glass. As they were clearing off their plates and putting them in the sink (“Compost, please,” Colin directed Gregory, who was about to trash his leftovers), Colin registered that he was starting to talk about rugby.
“…started as a tighthead. I really like the mates on my team. They’re good guys and it’s a great workout.”
“I’ll say. I mean look at you. Your legs are the size of tree trunks!”
Colin frowned at that observation.
“Oh my god, that’s what Sophie said when I went to Ben’s yesterday. Anyway, I’m playing with some mates from uni tomorrow, just to catch up. Oh my god, did I tell you what Squirt said -“
“You’re playing tomorrow? I’ll join,” Colin interrupted as he turned to face them from the sink.
Penelope and Gregory both froze with their spoons of ice cream in mid-air and looked up at Colin.
Penelope broke first. “What?”
“I’ll play with Greg’s mates tomorrow. Where and when?”
“Uh…Belsize Park, around 11…”
“Great! I’m there.”
“Colin,” Penelope started tentatively, “you haven’t played rugby in a while…”
Colin shrugged off her obvious concern. “Yeah, but I used to play all the time. Muscle memory and all that. I think I still have my rugby kit in the upstairs closet…who else is playing?”
“Um…Squirt, Fields, Harper, Owen, Addi, you know, the usual lot.”
Colin remembered those names. They were Gregory’s uni friends and they were the nicest but the absolute nerdiest group of boys you could find.
“Great! It’s been awhile since I’ve seen your mates. Let’s do it.”
Gregory and Penelope exchanged a look that Colin chose to ignore. This was going to be great, thought Colin. Just a game with the lads.
At around 1pm the next day, Colin crawled to a standing position as his team jumped and hollered around him, celebrating their win. He was bleeding from the forehead, it hurt to breathe and he was fairly certain he had a concussion, if not the beginnings of CTE. He had a smile on his face as Gregory cheered and yelled in his face, but he was pretty sure that if Gregory let go of him, he was just going to collapse again.
“To the pub!” They all screamed around him as they marched off the field together. Colin followed on shaky legs. A couple hours later, and after several beer chugging contests, Colin caved and sent Penelope multiple texts, begging her to pick him up.
Almost a full day later, Colin laid prone in a dark room with Penelope gently rubbing his forehead with a warm towel. He hadn’t moved since he collapsed into the bed the day before and he wasn’t so sure he would ever move again.
“I’m sorry…that we couldn’t…get married before I died,” Colin wheezed out.
“Is this how you’re proposing to me?” Penelope asked him with a small smile.
“If I wasn’t positive my leg would fall off…I would get down…on one knee.” Colin wheezed again.
Penelope furrowed her brow. “Colin…jokes aside, you do not sound good. I’d like to take you to the clinic…”
“No…” Colin shook his head and then promptly dropped it in exhaustion.
“Right. I’m going to call someone to come help me get you there.”
An hour later, Penelope was shocked when the doctor told her that Colin had a broken rib. And that his rib had punctured a lung which had been slowly deflating over the last day.
When Colin was released after treatment, he certainly felt bruised and battered but he did not think anything hurt as much as his ego, which was not helped by the doctor’s offhand comment that “Rugby at his age? That’s a mistake.”
As Penelope helped lower Colin back into bed, he felt his phone vibrate with a message. It was from Gregory.
“Greg says his mates are playing rugby again tomorrow. He wants to know if I want to join.”
“And?” Penelope asked incredulously.
“And I’m telling him that I cannot feel my legs and am not sure they are still attached. I’ll sit this one out.”
Penelope smiled at him. “You know, Ben was telling me that he’s just gotten into pickleball…”
****
Hyacinth
Someone was trying to break down the front door. As Colin approached, a little wary of what was on the other side, all he could hear was the rapid-fire staccato of knocks, echoing through the house. He looked through the peephole to find a very familiar face furiously knocking away.
“Hyacinth!” He cried as he swung open the door. “Will you keep it down?”
Hyacinth stormed past Colin into the front entryway. “Where’s Penelope? I need her.”
Colin shushed her. “Could you be quiet? She’s sleeping.”
“Wake her up.”
“Absolutely not. What is going on?”
Hyacinth rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. In that moment, she reminded Colin so much of preteen Hyacinth, upset about some friendship drama or another.
“Fine. Ryan is cheating on me.”
“Pardon me?”
“Pardon me? What are you? Some kind of Jane Austen hero…I f*cking think my f*cking boyfriend is f*cking cheating on me!”
Colin was silent. He and Hyacinth always got along. Most of their siblings would agree that they were very similar (“In that you’re both very chaotic,” Daphne would say). But she never came to him with big issues like this. Anthony or their mother were her preferred sources of comfort during these times.
Colin thought about Penelope sleeping upstairs. Thought about that little grey blob they saw on the ultrasound earlier that day. Thought about the person that blob was going to be and what he or she would want from Colin during a time like this.
“Hy, I am so, so sorry. I’ve been cheated on too and it really f*cking sucks. I know it’s hard to believe this now but you have to remember that there is nothing wrong with you. This is all his fault. There is no justification for this.”
“Of course there’s nothing wrong with me. Have you seen me? I’m a goddamn 10. I’m going to be just fine.”
Colin blinked. Right, so not that kind of pep talk…
Hyacinth sighed wearily. “Colin, I don’t need a pep talk. I’m not sad. I’m f*cking furious. And I want revenge. So I need you to go wake up your wife so she can do her insane MI6 thing and help me destroy this f*cker.”
“…Okay, so while I support you. I cannot get Pen.”
“Why the f*ck not?”
“She’s not feeling good and I just want her to have some rest.”
Hyacinth narrowed her eyes. Colin braced himself.
“Is it Covid?”
“No, she’s just tired.”
“Is it the flu?”
“No.”
“Is it a a virus?”
“No, I told yo - ”
“Oh my god, is it incurable?! Is she going to die??”
Colin finally lost it. “Hyacinth, she’s pregnant, okay? She is exhausted and she has been throwing up all day every day. Because she’s f*cking pregnant okay? So please, keep it down and let her sleep.”
Hyacinth was silent. And then - “Oh my god!! You’re having a baby!” She screeched at a volume and pitch that made Colin wince.
He shushed her again. “Just - shhh! Please do not tell anyone yet. Pen and I haven’t even figured out how we’re going to announce it and it’s so early…
Hyacinth smiled. A little evilly, in Colin’s opinion. “It’ll cost you.” She told him.
Colin gaped at her. “Pardon me?”
“Ugh, seriously stop that. Saddle up, big bro. Meet me at Tweedy’s Pub in an hour and dress for a heist.”
“A what?”
Hyacinth rolled her eyes at Colin and marched out the front door. Colin locked the door and made a promise to himself to never open the door to an unchaperoned Hyacinth again.
An hour and fifteen minutes later (and after spending much of that time googling ‘heist outfits’), Colin showed up at Tweedy’s Pub, a small, unassuming pub next to a canal on a residential street. He was wearing black joggers, a black sleeve thermal shirt and a black ski hat.
“Colin!” Hyacinth walked out of the shadows of an alley. “You’re late! And what is that thing on your head?” She asked incredulously.
“It’s a ski hat.”
“It has a poof.”
“It was either this or Pen’s ‘Save the Bees’ cap.”
Hyacinth pulled at the soft poof on the top of Colin’s hat. “Pen’s cap may have been better…”
Colin smacked her hand away. “Trying here, Hyacinth.”
She looked up at him skeptically. “Didn’t you have a skullcap?”
Colin scoffed. “Don’t exactly keep skullcaps lying around.”
“Well, you should. It would probably make your fat head look smaller.”
Colin abruptly turned and started walking away. “I’m done here, Hyacinth.”
“Wait!” Hyacinth grabbed his arm as he moved past her. She took a deep breath. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m just on edge.”
Colin sighed. “Fine. What do you need from me?”
Hyacinth turned to the canal across the road. She pointed at a rather rundown assortment of buildings. “Do you see that set of brown flats right on the canal?
“The ones that look like some sort of house of disrepute? Yeah.”
Hyacinth looked at him in disgust. “House of disrepute? What is this? The 1800s? Are you going to take your carriage home?”
“Are you going to continue or should I just go?”
“Sorry. Habit. Okay, so Ryan lives on the third floor and Tessa, who is a backstabbing, anti-feminist Aquarius, is probably with him right now,” Hyacinth spit out.
Colin looked perplexed. “So where do I come in? I’m really not looking to start a fight right now. You know my ribs haven’t been the same since that rugby match.”
“Okay, first of all, fighting is so toxic masculinity. Second of all, if I wanted someone to beat Ryan up, I would have gone with Eloise or maybe Anthony. Definitely not - ”
“Hyacinth!”
“Sorry! I need you to get up there and get a picture of them together.” Hyacinth looked at him like she just asked him to pass the salt.
Colin was bewildered. “And how precisely am I to do that? Just knock on his door and - ”
Hyacinth scoffed. “Obviously not. You have to climb that trellis to the balcony and then get a picture.”
She’s gone mad. There’s no other possibility. This is absurd even for Hyacinth.
“Hyacinth, that’s a crime!”
“It’s not…Look, no one will believe me that Ryan is cheating. He’s too perfect and…all of our friends think he’s too good for me anyway - ”
“Sounds like you need new friends.”
“Thanks for the A+ advice. Coming from the guy who calls his wife his best friend.”
“Yeah, it’s kinda great when your significant other isn’t an asshole.”
Hyacinth flinched at that comment. She wrapped her arms around herself, reminding Colin of a younger version of herself, stuck at home when the older siblings would go on an adventure or feelings hurt because someone at school antagonized her. In that moment, Colin also thought of a little red headed boy or girl, with his eyes and Pen’s nose.
Colin put his arm around Hyacinth’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I meant what I said earlier. It’s not your fault that this guy is an asshole.”
Hyacinth looked up at Colin. He sighed. “Alright, let’s do this,” he told her.
Twenty minutes later, Colin was deeply regretting coming out with Hyacinth tonight.
I should have ignored the door, he thought, carefully grabbing onto the next rung of the trellis. I could be in bed with Pen right now, reading that book about the mutiny on that boat in Chile. I bet they turn it into a movie. He pulled his body a little closer to the wall as he felt the trellis sway slightly. Maybe time for a bedtime cookie. He secured his left foot as he prepared to raise his right foot to the next rung. And a glass of milk. He lifted off and reached up to grab. If Pen is feeling better, wake her up by -
Colin heard a loud snap as the trellis started to sway backwards. He realized in horror that the trellis had disconnected from the wall and was now falling backwards into the canal. And so was he.
There was nothing he could do but brace himself for impact with the canal water. And pray that he did not land in the middle of a grease pool. The actual impact was anticlimactic but it was quickly obvious to him that he was not swimming in the clear waters of the pond at Aubrey Hall.
When he swam back up to the surface, the first thing he heard was Hyacinth cackling away on the street.
“Oh my god!” She broke off laughing. “That was the funniest thing I have ever seen. You fell in the canal! That is disgusting. You probably have hepatitis!” She bent over from laughing so hard.
Colin saw red. “Hyacinth!! Help me get out of here. Now!”
“Hyacinth?” Another voice called from far away.
Colin, who was moving to a ladder to climb up to the street, looked up and saw Ryan, Hyacinth’s stupid boyfriend, standing on the balcony of the apartment Colin had just tried to reach. There was a short, blonde girl next to him.
Hyacinth stopped laughing. Even from the water, Colin could tell she looked furious.
“Ryan, you goddamn asshole! Who is that with you? I’m going to kill you. I’m going to - ”
Colin quickly pulled himself up the ladder and grabbed Hyacinth’s arm. “We need to get out of here. Now!” He hissed at her.
Hyacinth was still cursing at Ryan when he dragged her away.
Later that night, Colin and Hyacinth finally made it back to his house. They had stopped at Hyacinth’s place so Colin could shower the canal water off him. Now he was finally home, smelling like guava peach margarita shampoo and slightly shimmery from Hyacinth’s Intergalactic body wash from Lush. To make matters worse, he was wearing Ryan’s clothes that he had left at Hyacinth’s so everything was tight and his t-shirt was emblazoned with ‘IYKYK’ across the front. He hated it.
“Nightcap?” He offered Hyacinth.
“Whatchu got, bartender?”
“Tea? Seltzer? Something stronger?”
Hyacinth jumped onto a counter seat. “Stronger, please.”
Colin had just slid a glass of whiskey across the table to Hyacinth when Penelope walked down the stairs. Colin turned to her, surprised she was awake at this late hour.
“What are you doing up?”
She smiled at him when she reached him and leaned in close. Colin smiled softly back and leaned in for his kiss. A few inches from his face, Penelope paused, sniffed theatrically and pulled back. “Smells like a canal in here.”
Colin groaned and turned to Hyacinth who held up her hands. “Wasn’t me, bro.”
Penelope walked over to Hyacinth at the counter and placed a flash drive on the marble top. Hyacinth looked at her quizzically.
“It’s got screenshots,” Penelope said. “Someone should tell Ryan to keep his views on social issues to himself. Could be problematic for some people.”
Hyacinth’s smile widened dramatically. “Oh my god, thank you so much! I always knew you were the best sister-in-law to join the family! I mean, Kate and Sophie keep Ant and Ben on their toes, which is a huge ask for them. But you do that to Colin and you’re like a super spy!”
“Thanks, Hy.”
Hyacinth downed her drink and jumped off the stool excitedly. “I’m going to take this home and look through it. And then I’m going to destroy the asshole. Thanks, guys!” She gave Colin and Penelope quick hugs and kisses and dashed out the door.
Colin sat down heavily on the counter seat, exhausted from his night. Penelope came to stand between his legs. With their height difference, she was face-level with Colin while he was sitting.
She linked her arms around his shoulders. “You look like you’ve been through it.”
Colin put his hands on Penelope’s hips and moved her closer. “I am exhausted…and useless, apparently.”
Penelope leaned her forehead against his. Colin closed his eyes as he felt Penelope’s soft breaths against his nose and lips.
“You’re not useless. You were there for her.”
Colin pulled back slightly. “Yeah, but anyone could have been there for her.”
“Mmm, I’m not sure anyone would have climbed that trellis for her. Plus, you made her laugh when you fell.”
Colin smirked as he remembered Hyacinth’s howls of laughter when he surfaced from the water. Then he frowned. “Pen…how did you know what happened? Hyacinth said she didn’t tell you.”
Penelope bit her lower lip. “I could see where you were on Find My IPhone. And then I maybe found the Instagram account of one of the neighbors across the street.” She pulled out her phone and scrolled through it quickly. Then she held it up to him and showed him a familiar scene but from a different angle. “He live-streamed your entire caper. And then…” she scrolled some more and held the phone back up while a video played on loop. “…Then he posted a loop of you falling into the canal.”
Colin watched in horror as a video of him falling into the canal repeated again and again and again. Suddenly, a terrible thought came to him. “Did you…?”
“Send it to your entire family? Check your phone.”
Colin pulled out his phone that showed he had over 200 new text messages. “Oh god.” He opened up the main Bridgerton group chat and scrolled through the many mocking messages. Apparently, Gregory even had the time to film and share a reenactment.
Colin dropped his head on Penelope’s shoulder. “The next time Hyacinth shows up with a request…”
“Wake me up instead,” Penelope finished.
****
Bonus: Colin
When Colin opened the door, Violet dashed past him with barely a glance of acknowledgment. He chuckled, closed the door and followed.
“I know you wanted a weekend with Aggie but I just wanted to see her. Where is my baby girl?”
A little redheaded girl toddled out of the hallway and beelined towards Violet, who let out an excited laugh. She got down on her knees and held out her arms. The toddler ran straight into them as Violet stood up, hugging the child closely.
Colin approached them, smiling fondly. “Well, now that Aggie’s second-favorite person is here, I can put together a dinner plate for you.”
Violet was too busy cooing into Aggie’s face to look at Colin. “Nonsense. You are not her third favorite person - ”
“I didn’t say I was,” Colin interrupted, grinning.
Violet let out a shocked laugh and swayed with Aggie in her arms. “I’m surprised you didn’t go with Penelope. You know I would have taken Aggie for the weekend.”
Colin moved closer to them and rubbed Aggie’s back as she hugged her grandma. “I know. And I will take you up on that soon for another weekend away for just us. This weekend though…”
Colin thought about Pen coming to him a couple months ago with plans for this weekend, asking him if he wanted to join. A multi-day music festival in Belgium with Eloise, Francesca and Michaela. Greg and Hy were joining but not going to the festival during the day so they would probably go out to the bars with them at night. A stopover in Paris on the way back to support Daphne at a fashion show she was hosting since Simon had begged off.
It was going to be an unforgettable weekend, full of fun and chaos. It sounded like a perfect weekend of music, drinks (and probably more) and socializing for Penelope.
And she completely understood Colin’s answer, which is the same one he gave Violet when she asked why he didn’t join.
“It’s not really my scene.”
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